Well, folks, it turns out you can’t just solve a $500 million legal brawl by sliding into a CEO’s DMs for a last-minute heart-to-heart.
In a shocking twist, a federal judge has informed Dr. Phil McGraw that he can’t depose his former buddy, Matthew Crouch of the Trinity Broadcasting Network, and their top lawyer, John Casoria. This is a devastating blow for a man who has built an empire on asking strangers, “And how’s that workin’ for ya?”
The legal equivalent of a last-minute “Hail Mary” pass was officially fumbled by Bankruptcy Judge Scott W. Everett, who essentially said, “Nice try, but no.” The judge seemed less than impressed that Dr. Phil’s team waited until the eleventh hour to demand a cozy chat with the network’s head honchos, noting the whole thing smelled suspiciously of a tactical ambush rather than a search for truth.
The ruling comes in the epic $500 million saga between the good doctor and the holy network over a business deal that went south faster than a televangelist’s credibility after a scandal. It started with so much promise and is now ending with more lawyers than a season finale of Suits.
TBN’s legal eagles had filed an emergency motion to stop the depositions, probably arguing, “Your honor, we already gave them two corporate reps who knew the script. They just forgot to ask the right questions!” The judge agreed, basically ruling that demanding to depose the CEO now is like asking to speak to the manager of the entire universe after you already got a refund.
While today’s hearing was a dense snoozefest focused on a mysterious $133 million loan (was it a loan? A gift? A holy offering?), the real main event is still on the horizon: Dr. Phil’s own 14-hour deposition. One can only hope the snacks are good and his patience is better.
PREVIOUSLY, IN THIS MESS…
Hope for a peaceful settlement between Dr. Phil and TBN has officially flatlined. Earlier this week, there was a flurry of activity that suggested even these two might avoid a drawn-out, expensive court battle.
Turns out, they were relying more on “hopes and prayers” than actual legal compromises. A source close to the talks admitted, “We’re not tapping out, but we’re nowhere near a deal.” So, the holy war continues.
For those just joining this televised theological thriller, here’s the plot: Dr. Phil’s media company, Merit Street Media, sued TBN for breach of contract, claiming the network didn’t hold up its end of a $500 million deal. TBN counter-punched, accusing Dr. Phil of “reprehensible conduct” and basically saying he fudged his numbers harder than a baker with a counting problem.
The whole thing is so absurd it feels like a South Park episode written by a law student on amphetamines. To top it off, Dr. Phil’s company is now funneling $10 million to pay for the Chapter 11 legal fees, which is a fancy way of saying the lawyers are the only ones getting rich here.
Naturally, the fight has now devolved into a squabble over depositions. TBN is furious that Dr. Phil suddenly wants to grill their CEO and head lawyer, calling it an unfair, last-minute ambush. Their legal filing basically reads, “They had 42 days to ask for this! They didn’t subpoena properly! This is a travesty! A mockery! A traveshamockery!”
Neither side had any comment, probably because they were too busy sharpening their pencils—or their knives—for today’s hearing.