This morning I used to be assigned to judge the Aaron Rodgers-Aubrey Marcus podcast concerning the quarterback, excuse me, particular person’s self-reflection after the darkness. Over what was a sprawling dialog that wasn’t as attention-grabbing as the 2 thought it was, I’m now dumber for having listened to it. Oh, and by the way in which, there’s nonetheless no soccer choice, however Rodgers admitted it’s finest if it’s made sooner fairly than later.
I’m undecided the best way to really feel about that as a result of he’s at present his personal content material manufacturing facility, one during which I’ve been laboring away, inhaling fumes that may inevitably give me most cancers.
Speaking of sizzling air, there was an enormous quantity spilled in that hour and a half, so let’s take a look at among the highlights earlier than my mind leaks out of my ears.
The ins and outs of the retreat
The dialog opened with the simply aggregatable stuff — how did you get round at midnight, how did you place toothpaste in your toothbrush, how did you wipe your ass. The solutions, and I’m paraphrasing, have been “Not very well,” “I squirted the toothpaste in my mouth,” and “The diet I was on lent itself to a lot of smooth No. 2s.”
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It’s a darkness retreat; I assume the only sustenance is berries and milk from various nuts. Rodgers said it was a lot of two-wipers and occasionally he felt like he didn’t even need to wipe at all. Aubrey countered with an anecdote from his own retreat where he ingested so much coconut oil he had violent diarrhea. And then the two of them talked about “Ghost shits,” which I suppose is whenever you suppose you shit however didn’t. I’m undecided, and I’m not going to Google it.
Not allowed to make enjoyable of the retreat as a result of it was for psychological well being
The hell I’m not. There’s nothing mistaken with prioritizing your mind. Therapy is useful, however I’ll equate it to this: If you noticed somebody engaged on their bodily well being by utilizing a Mueller Exercise Belt — the machine that simply jiggles you whilst you stand there — you’d in all probability chortle.
You’d chortle as a result of it appears to be like ridiculous, and there are different, extra confirmed types of addressing your psychological well being than one thing silly like locking your self in a windowless resort room for 4 days. I’m not faulting Rodgers for engaged on his psychological well being. I’m giving him shit as a result of he and Marcus had a dialog about the way it’s not solitary confinement as a result of there’s slightly window within the jail cell, and so they had no mild in any respect.
The duo chatted barefoot in designer sweatpants at a mountain retreat, and there was a crystal assortment not far off-camera.
Then Rodgers revealed that he responded to a darkness detractor on Twitter with the Ted Lasso quote (that’s a Walt Whitman quote): “Be curious, not judgemental.” And I gotta say I’ve by no means been much less excited for the return of a present that I genuinely liked, and that’s together with the post-Michael Scott seasons of The Office.
Aubrey Marcus is to Aaron Rodgers what Alex Guerrero is to Tom Brady
The solely factor I discovered attention-grabbing concerning the podcast was Rodgers budding broship with Marcus. The podcast host of a “motivational destination for conversations” was at a few highway video games, and a bunch of house video games, and for no matter cause — medicine, adulation, shamanism — it appears like Marcus has a big affect on the QB.
I had no thought this Aubrey Marcus character existed earlier than this morning. He made 9 figures off his complement enterprise that was bolstered by sidling as much as Joe Rogan. (I’ll wait whilst you make your InfoWars jokes.) The quantity of self-indulgent nonsense spewed between the 2 was sufficient to get me to weigh the feasibility of ripping off the leg of my desk and impaling myself, and this was on the 45-minute mark of the present.
Aubrey discovered correlations to Rodgers’ soccer profession along with his personal pickup basketball league, was a phrase or two away from quoting the “Show them who you are” line from Black Panther, wept over his personal Lord of the Rings analogy, and rattled off one-liners like this “matters to the forging of the blade of who I am.”
What “this” was I do not know, similar to I do not know how I’m purported to get pleasure from a world the place Aubrey fucking Marcus made lots of of thousands and thousands of {dollars} off of dietary supplements.
Rodgers desires you to know that he’s tremendous good
These have been precise sentences uttered by Rodgers:
“I’m athletic but also super smart.”
“I never wanted to be just a football player. Cuz I’m a smart guy who went on Jeopardy and won.”
It was Celebrity Jeopardy to start with, and Rodgers isn’t the primary particular person to be (allegedly) good and play soccer. Former NFL security Myron Rolle, who really is sensible, was a fucking Rhodes Scholar and is at present a neurosurgeon. Rodgers mentioned, with one hundred pc seriousness, “I have three god sons now” as if he’s Carl Winslow. OK, however that doesn’t make you a father, similar to auditioning to host Jeopardy doesn’t make you Alex Trebek.
Rodgers soccer future
The majority of the dialog centered round Rodgers’ coming to phrases with what life could be like if he retired and what life could be like if he saved enjoying. His come to Jesus second occurred when he realized: “What if I just embraced I am a football player?”
Marcus then reassured Rodgers that he nonetheless has it just like the fanboy that this podcast proved him to be. The quarterback in the end reached the conclusion that “Both options feel nourishing and special.” Wait, so, when confronted with the choices to retire a multimillionaire earlier than 40, or play one other season of the game that made you a multimillionaire, Rodgers feels snug both method? Good god, I don’t want a metric ton of dietary supplements and an prolonged nap to determine that out.
The soccer a part of the dialogue devolved into the identical drained cliches that sports activities podcasts at all times do — it’s about accountability and the crew — and never a phrase was mentioned about whether or not Rodgers feels that method about subsequent 12 months’s Packers, or one other NFL franchise.
He’s in a “post-tragic state of consciousness” (Marcus’ phrases, not mine), and might be proud of no matter choice he makes. I’m simply completely satisfied it’s nearly over.