The First (and Only) Miami New Times Sports Team Mascot Awards

Everyone loves an excellent mascot, even the terrifying ones. Their whole existence is based on entertaining followers between the leisure.

In essence, mascots are like a bridge between our youth and the youth of at the moment, and it is time we give them their flowers.

So right here goes.

We’re proud to current the South Florida Mascot Awards — New Times‘ approach of honoring these courageous women and men who endure the subtropical humidity to amuse us, the followers. Unlike our latest analysis into native coach and supervisor handsomeness, this ain’t no magnificence contest. It’s about character, dammit!

Most Aggressive Mascot

Sebastian the Ibis

When your résumé consists of getting arrested within the line of obligation like Sebastian the Ibis’ does, you are respiration rarefied air on this class. And do not get us began on these eyes, which positively dare you to eff round and discover out.

From the best way he throws up ‘The U’ with the look of somebody flipping the double chicken to the karate leg kicks and the in-your-face demeanor, Sebastian is probably going the one mascot all of Miami would select to have on their aspect in a bar struggle.

Biggest Party “Animal”

T.D.

In T.D., the Miami Dolphins might need probably the most athletic mascot of the bunch. And the oddest T.D.’s half-human, half-dolphin manifestation makes you are feeling as for those who’re at a frat social gathering the place some drunk bro discovered a horse costume in a closet and is galloping round carrying the pinnacle half.

While it is laborious to disregard simply how unsettling T.D.’s costume is (he clearly would not skip leg day), you simply know he’d be the lifetime of any social gathering.

Most Adorable

Stanley C. Panther

If there’s a single South Florida mascot you would be snug hiring to babysit your youngsters on date evening, it is the Florida Panthers mascot, Stanley C. Panther. Notwithstanding the clean stare of desperation in Stan’s eyes, he actually appears reliable, lovable, and, if it got here to it, downright adoptable.

While everybody loves mascots, we would not cuddle up in mattress with one. Except perhaps Stanley C. Panther.

Most Entertaining

Burnie

If we’re judging native mascots purely on which one we might like to seem at our child’s party, the Miami Heat’s Burnie is clearly the winner. Burnie is as more likely to bust out a TikTok transfer the youngsters love, do a keg stand that riles up the dads, or assist the mothers put collectively the bombest butter board.

Burnie is clearly the most effective mascot in Miami when it comes to pure enjoyable. Does he generally cross the road? Yes. But who amongst us, proper?

Most Relatable

Billy the Marlin

If you are in search of a mascot who has clearly been by some shit and are available out the opposite finish of it for the higher, look no additional than Miami Marlins hypeman Billy the Marlin. From fluctuations in his weight and trend to probably getting older into his present shrinking-grandpa look, Billy is simply out right here attempting his darnedest, similar to the remainder of us.

The tribulations life has put Billy the Marlin by do not appear truthful (maybe most notably, having witnessed each Marlins recreation in franchise historical past). Few mascots would have the power, however Billy the Marlin has a household to feed so you possibly can wager he is punching that point clock for this season’s March 30 opener towards the Mets, the September 23 tilt towards the Brewers, and each house recreation in between.