Why I need to be the Duke’s Mayo Bowl mayonnaise dumper

Everyone waits for his or her second. A time of their lives when the clouds half to disclose solar shining on hallowed floor, and it’s a message from the next energy (or perhaps aliens) {that a} calling has been revealed. Kings known as this windfall, for Eminem it was his one shot, whereas Remy in Ratatouille received struck by lightning making an attempt to soften brie.

For me, James Dator, it was this tweet.

I wish to formally announce my candidacy as a mayonnaise dumper on the Duke’s Mayo Bowl. I do know the job could have no scarcity of wonderful people, all of whom could have spectacular resumes as to why they need to dump emulsified sandwich lube on a profitable head coach. Many could have extra followers, some might need bigger platforms — however I’m not right here to tear them down in an effort to make a case for myself. For you see, I strategy my total life like mayonnaise. I consider in supporting others to allow them to shine and be prepared to connect any components collectively to make them simpler to swallow.

From the standard grocery retailer turkey, to the artisanal smoked ham shaved with care at an upscale deli, all the way in which to the unexpectedly boiled potatoes for a picnic facet dish — I consider within the energy of mayonnaise, as a result of I am mayonnaise. As for Duke’s itself, i simply grabbed this from my fridge.

I do know it isn’t sufficient to only have a jar of mayo in your home if you wish to stand out. Lots of people can boast they’ve the condiment too, however I wish to current some examples of why I’m proven over time that I’m certified to know the duty at hand:

1. In 2016 I ate a banana and mayonnaise sandwich, as a result of Dale Earnhardt Jr. mentioned it was his favourite.
2. In 2017 I ate a mayonnaise sandwich between two Krispy Kreme donuts, as a result of Alexei Ramirez ate them.
3. In 2021 I wrote a love letter to mayonnaise, which resulted in a bizarre mayo influencer warfare with each Hellmans and Duke’s sending me mayo-related merchandise.
4. I’m not afraid to be an fool on digital camera, just like the time I attempted to eat a burrito in 4 bites and virtually killed myself by getting rice in my lungs.

While I by no means actually divulged by course of for the 2 mayo-based sandwiches, know that on every event it was Duke’s that I pulled from my fridge. Prior to getting married I didn’t actually have any particular mayonnaise emotions, however my spouse was born and raised within the south, and in her world it was at all times Duke’s or bust.

I’ve grown to like its creamy perfection. It’s lubrication qualities. Whether it’s making my daughter’s lunch every morning, or spreading on the skin of a grilled cheese for a greater crunch (it really works, I guarantee you), Duke’s has been part of my life.

Now, I wish to be part of their lives — of their mission. I want this in my life. It received’t merely be one other occasion in an extended checklist of engagements for James Dator, as a result of no one invitations me wherever. Dumping mayo on the successful coach on the Duke’s Mayo Bowl shall be a defining achievement in my life.

Let’s work collectively. Let’s make magic. The similar magic I get to make each lunchtime together with your product. I’m right here, Duke’s — and I’ve by no means been extra prepared.