Welcome to Ask an Outsider. We are right here to reply your most urgent questions on having fun with time outdoors, like easy methods to make outdoorsy associates, tips about going No. 2 within the woods or easy methods to reconcile a distinct threat tolerance with a associate. Our recommendation givers are consultants from each inside and out of doors the co-op who draw from their very own expertise and data to assist inform yours.
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Send it to expertadvice@rei.com. Include your identify and the yr you grew to become an REI Co-op Member. Letters could also be edited.
Dear Outsider,
My associate and I continuously go on day hikes collectively as a result of we share a love for the outside. But we now have very totally different priorities on the path, and it has led to uncomfortable moments.
I’m a “stop-and-take-a-picture-of-the-pretty-views-every-two-minutes” form of hiker. I like to soak within the magnificence at my very own tempo, and it’s what helps me unwind from stress. While it feels good to get a superb sweat, I like the scenic snack and nap breaks much more. I don’t care how sluggish I am going so long as I make it again to the automotive safely earlier than nightfall.
My boyfriend doesn’t hike for a similar causes. His mission is to get a superb exercise, usually competing with himself to attain a private file. He goes too quick for me. I am going too sluggish for him. So, we conflict. He lets me realize it together with his physique language and feedback about my tempo. He shortly turns into bored whereas ready for me to catch up. I shortly turn into embarrassed and exhausted attempting to reconnect with him.
What ought to we do after we’re climbing at totally different speeds? We get pleasure from experiencing the vacation spot collectively. We simply wish to make the journey extra enjoyable.
Taylor, REI Co-op Member since 2014
Dear Taylor,
This is a query I’ve heard contributors of the 52 Hike Challenge ask many instances. When we’re in a relationship with somebody, it’s pure to wish to spend time collectively—together with outdoors. But conflicts might come up on account of variations in every individual’s velocity and priorities. For me personally, addressing this boils right down to communication and compromise, all whereas making it enjoyable.
In my final relationship, my associate loved operating the paths and I loved climbing them. We got here up with a win-win resolution: Ahead of time, we’d agree on a time to fulfill again on the automotive and the full time for train that day. Typically, we’d stroll collectively for the primary 10 to fifteen minutes to attach. Then he would run for one hour; I’d hike for half-hour and switch round. Normally, he ran previous me as I used to be getting near the automotive. With this compromise, we each had our wants met.
Other instances, we hiked and ran collectively. He adjusted his velocity to extra carefully match mine, and I attempted to maintain up together with his tempo. On our longer day hikes, we agreed to hike collectively, though I knew he may out-hike me any day.
But it’s necessary to do not forget that there are lots of methods to handle this example. To perceive how others would method it, I polled the 52 Hike neighborhood. Their solutions had been considerably combined: 18% recommended climbing individually out of your associate and assembly midway, 39% opted for climbing with individuals who share the identical objectives, 25% really helpful matching the velocity of your associate and 14% voted for another end result.
Personally, I actually just like the responses suggesting that you simply and your associate work to compromise. For instance, Bianca C., 29, of Point Pleasant, New Jersey, proposes that you simply alternate between your climbing types. “Some hikes are more about photography, while others are all about breaking records,” she says. This can be a good time for each of you to work on persistence and understanding, which might deepen your relationship.
Paige W., 28, of Ooltewah, Tennessee, shares: “My husband and I love hiking together, but we have different paces. We compromise by knowing what the other likes. My husband is patient while I take photos and [identify] plants on my phone. I try to take fewer pictures and take them quickly so we can keep moving.” When you’re employed as a crew you’ll be able to construct belief, which is large on the paths and in life.
You may additionally compromise by deciding to hike by yourself and meet at a turnaround spot. Then you’ll be able to hike down at your associate’s tempo (assuming downhill is less complicated for you than uphill). Tai Okay., 44, of Ontario, Canada, offerss but an alternative choice: “Hike the route alone and take all the photos. Then hike again at a faster pace …”
I additionally spoke to holistic marriage and household counselor Rebecca Thompson Hitt, who shares her perspective: She advises that you simply discover a time to debate what every of your underlying wants are. These are your true wants. For instance, perhaps your true want is to attach together with your associate on the path, whereas your associate merely desires a superb exercise.
After your dialogue, work out a technique that can meet each of those wants. Hitt additionally suggests that you simply attempt other ways of compromising. Then come again collectively after attempting them out to debate how these options felt. Adjust accordingly.
If you’re unable to return to an answer, you can also make different preparations and discover different methods to attach that higher go well with every of you. For occasion, you can have a picnic at an area park, watch the sundown on the seashore or stargaze collectively, amongst different issues.
Another big part in all of that is belief, or feeling that you may exit to discover and hike and that your associate shall be there ready to attach with you whenever you get again. It’s additionally necessary to grasp that our life associate can’t fulfill all of our wants. Sometimes, we have to change our personal expectations and regulate accordingly.
Above all, be curious as you discover what feels finest to each of you as you navigate the journey collectively. The cool factor right here is that, similar to on the path, there are lots of paths you’ll be able to select, however all of them find yourself on the identical vacation spot. Maybe you don’t hike collectively, however this expertise taught you to speak, compromise and, ultimately, achieve a stronger relationship.
Isn’t that the tip objective of our path to like anyway?