It all felt like a fever dream, the sort from which one awakens and wonders, “What hellish depths of the human unconscious belched forth this farce, and the place is my negroni sbagliato?”
In South Florida, we have been buffeted by the one-two punch of more and more bitter tradition wars and some of the harmful hurricanes within the state’s historical past. It was additionally a 12 months of reckoning hereabouts, as prosecutors took goal at COVID-relief fund scammers, abusive cops, and Proud Boys alleged to have performed outstanding roles within the January 6 rebellion.
Meantime, the excessive tide of the cryptocurrency craze receded, revealing the sunburned, bare asses of many an overexposed bro, together with that of Sam Bankman-Fried, who was planning to maneuver his crypto change FTX’s headquarters to Miami shortly earlier than he was arrested for operating what prosecutors deemed “one of many largest frauds in American historical past.”
In hopes of gaining some closure, we rummaged by the sludge and compiled an inventory of rapscallions, alleged criminals, and all-around turds within the South Florida punch bowl who stood out as keystones of native dysfunction in 2022. For your perusing pleasure, we current to you, in alphabetical order, our annual Dirty Dozen.
Sam Bankman-Fried
Sam Bankman-Fried’s native legacy was born together with his cryptocurrency empire’s identify emblazoned on the downtown Miami Heat enviornment and ended with its merch stuffed in trash luggage inside a storage room in Wynwood. A month after the previous CEO of FTX noticed his $32 billion firm collapse in a matter of days as traders quickly pulled out of the agency, Bankman-Fried was arrested within the Bahamas on the request of U.S. authorities on a slew of costs together with fraud, cash laundering, and violations of marketing campaign finance legal guidelines. The sudden flip of occasions was a agency kick within the pants to Magic City Mayor Francis Suarez, who had hoped FTX — which he dubbed “some of the revolutionary corporations on the planet” — would assist actualize his imaginative and prescient of Miami as a worldwide cryptocurrency hub. After the revelation that crypto emperor Bankman-Fried had no garments, Miami-Dade County and the Heat swiftly pulled out of their partnership with now-bankrupt FTX.
Webster Batista
On social media, Webster Batista lived lavishly. Instagram photographs present him dressed head-to-toe in designer gear and flashy jewellery, chillin’ subsequent to Ferraris and Lamborghinis. He claimed to have constructed a web based music empire value hundreds of thousands. There was only one drawback, in accordance with federal prosecutors: None of it was his. Batista, an accused “ladrón de contenido en YouTube” (“YouTube content material thief”), was arrested in November 2021 in Doral and ordered by a federal decide to await trial alongside his alleged coconspirator, Jose Teran, in Phoenix. According to the feds, Batista and Teran claimed rights to tens of 1000’s of songs on YouTube that that they had nothing to do with and raked in additional than $20 million whereas ripping off numerous musicians. As a part of the plea settlement, Batista admitted to falsely claiming rights to the royalties to greater than 50,000 songs from an array of genres. After pleading responsible to 2 felony costs in federal courtroom earlier this 12 months, Batista was ordered to forfeit his Tesla, BMW i8, and actual property in Arizona, amongst different property.
Daniel Bouaziz
For years, high-end artwork seller Daniel Elie Bouaziz was making a fortune promoting what he marketed as genuine and prized artworks by the likes of Andy Warhol, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Roy Lichtenstein, and Banksy at his two galleries in Palm Beach. Bouaziz’s paintings gross sales funded the acquisition of three Rolls-Royces, a 70-foot boat, and ten South Florida properties. Along come spoilsport prosecutors who allege that Bouaziz was ripping off patrons, charging them tens of 1000’s of {dollars} for reproductions of artwork he purchased at on-line auctions for as little as $100. One unsuspecting purchaser allegedly spent $860,000 on inauthentic items. In one other case, Bouaziz allegedly agreed to promote a faux copy of a Basquiat work for $12 million to an undercover FBI agent. Bouaziz was indicted in federal courtroom in July on costs of mail fraud, wire fraud, and cash laundering months after the FBI raided his institutions, Galerie Danieli and Danieli Fine Art. If convicted, Bouaziz faces as much as 20 years in jail.
Courtney Clenney
Erstwhile OnlyFans mannequin Courtney Clenney is sitting in a Miami jail cell, charged with second-degree homicide for stabbing her ex-boyfriend Christian Obsumeli at their luxurious Edgewater residence in April. Clenney is not denying she put a kitchen knife in Obsumeli’s chest — the query is whether or not it was in self-defense because the 27-year-old claims. While her protection attorneys say Clenney was a stalking sufferer in a tumultuous relationship, prosecutors declare previous textual content messages, love letters, and secret audio recordings present the mannequin abused her lovesick (and now deceased) boyfriend. Elevator footage of one other incident seems to indicate Clenney placing Obsumeli whereas he tries to fend off the blows. Perhaps most problematic: an audio recording during which Clenney says, “I’m truly fucking not having a superb day the place I truly, actually fucking wish to kill you.”
Luiz Capuci Jr.
Perhaps it was the Lamborghini he used as a part of his kid’s gender-reveal celebration, or perhaps the stay giraffe on the little fella’s first birthday celebration, however Luiz Capuci’s relations had their suspicions in regards to the supply of his wealth. Evidently, so did the feds. Earlier this 12 months, the Port St. Lucie man was indicted by the U.S. Department of Justice for allegedly orchestrating a $62 million world funding fraud scheme by his cryptocurrency mining firm, Mining Capital Coin. Prosecutors say Capuci duped traders by promoting “Mining Packages” that falsely promised substantial returns from mining new cryptocurrencies. This modus operandi allegedly allowed him to divert cash from 1000’s of shoppers to cryptocurrency wallets he managed.
Shlomo Danzinger
We’ll admit it is easy to get misplaced within the depths of Surfside Mayor Shlomo Danzinger’s slate-blue eyes and lulled right into a semi-somnambulant state when he speaks. Such charms apart — and completely aside from the slightest whiff of prison wrongdoing — Hizzoner has been on a roll alienating individuals since he cut up the vote and edged out rival veteran pols Charles Burkett (incumbent mayor) and Tina Paul (incumbent vice mayor) in March, possible due to public dissatisfaction within the aftermath of the tragic 2021 apartment collapse. Danzinger promptly made himself all however inaccessible to journalists at city corridor, then opted to not fly the LGBTQ delight flag out entrance for Pride Month. (He stated he supported homosexual rights however feared making the seaside hamlet weak to flag-flying requests from Satanists and the like. More lately, Danzinger presided over the so-far unexplained exodus of three prime metropolis officers who tendered obscure resignation letters. Danzinger’s tightlipped tendencies fueled suspicions and, reportedly, an ethics grievance from Burkett alleging that the departures have been organized behind closed doorways in violation of Florida’s Sunshine Law.
Gabriel Garcia
A 12 months after accused January 6 rioter Gabriel Garcia requested a federal decide to take away his ankle monitor, claiming it was embarrassing him round his shoppers, he introduced the courtroom with one other daring request: permission to return to the scene of his alleged crimes. One of the primary South Floridians nabbed in reference to the rebellion, Garcia allegedly filmed himself storming the Capitol whereas sporting a pink MAGA cap, taunting House Speaker Nancy Pelosi to “come out and play,” and calling the U.S. Capitol Police “fucking traitors,” all of which add as much as pending federal costs. In September, Garcia, a former U.S. Army captain and onetime chief of the Vice City chapter of the far-right Proud Boys, sought the courtroom’s approval to go to D.C. to attend a “January sixth Solidarity Truth” occasion that includes “quite a few audio system associated to supporting Jan. 6 defendants.” U.S. District Judge Amy Berman Jackson summarily rejected the request, noting the absurdity of asking to “return to the very space from which he has been ordered to remain away.”
Damara Holness
It takes an particularly weaselly impulse to make the most of a program meant to assist these struggling by monetary hardship amid a pandemic. South Florida appears to be a fertile breeding floor for that model of greed, as was evident within the variety of Paycheck Protection Program (PPP) scams prosecuted hereabouts. By September, the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Florida had tallied greater than 80 COVID-19 aid fraud instances with greater than $23 million in property seized. And the prosecutions proceed to mount. Among the high-profile perpetrators: Damara Holness, daughter of longtime Broward County Commissioner Dale Holness. Damara devised a harebrained scheme to acquire $300,000 in PPP mortgage funds by falsely claiming her consulting firm had 18 workers and paid wages of $1.44 million in 2019 — a 12 months during which the corporate barely did any enterprise in any respect. Once she secured the funds by the net financing firm Kabbage, she fabricated payroll and pocketed a lot of the wages she was ostensibly paying out. In January, the 30-year-old pleaded responsible to conspiracy to commit wire fraud and was sentenced to twenty months in jail.
Mac-Kinley Lauriston
Prosecutors declare onetime North Miami mayoral candidate Mac-Kinley Lauriston spearheaded a six-year collection of fraudulent schemes that netted greater than $600,000 in pilfered public property. Lauriston allegedly used his place as chief of workers for Miami-Dade County Commissioner Jean Monestime to mark county discretionary grants for supposed packages to assist ailing Haitian performers, promote cultural occasions, and help Haitian Heritage Month. But in accordance with an arrest warrant, Lauriston and his associates used the cash to line their very own pockets. One of Lauriston’s many alleged schemes concerned diverting county cash into companies fraudulently registered within the names of unwitting native residents. Prosecutors declare Evelt Jeudy, one other county worker in Monestime’s workplace, helped perform the scheme alongside financial institution worker Nadine Chery, who has been tagged as Lauriston’s girlfriend. The trio faces felony costs of organized fraud, racketeering, and grand theft, amongst dozens of different prison counts.
Miami-Dade School Board
Gov. Ron DeSantis and the Republican-led Florida legislature have constantly performed to their far-right base by taking hardline stances on nearly each culture-related challenge. From passing the Parental Rights in Education Act (AKA the “Don’t Say Gay” invoice) to banning transgender athletes from public college sports activities groups, Sunshine State politicians have capitalized on conservative dad and mom’ angst that their kids shall be swept up in a really homosexual, very woke groom-fest of indoctrination. But hey, at the very least we are able to depend on the Miami-Dade County college board to face agency for sane, reality-based training. Or not. Over the summer season, the board practically bowed to a lunatic fringe that demanded it reject a textbook that dared to acknowledge to adolescents that there are things like gender id, contraception, and abortion. In September, the board struck down a proposal that will have acknowledged LGBTQ History Month and rejected a measure to show highschool seniors about Obergefell v. Hodges, the landmark U.S. Supreme Court landmark determination that acknowledged same-sex {couples}’ constitutional proper to marry.
Stephen Ross
Do not let the Miami Dolphins’ upward trajectory beneath first-year head coach Mike McDaniel rose-color your sun shades. Stephen Ross nonetheless discovered a method to shroud his franchise in embarrassment. The Dolphins proprietor and billionaire chairman of the Related Companies was on the middle of a discrimination lawsuit introduced by fired head coach Brian Flores, who accused Ross of violating the league’s tampering guidelines by providing to pay him $100,000 for every sport the crew misplaced in 2019, with the goal of securing a excessive place within the NFL draft. Flores, who was one of some Black head coaches within the league, alleged Dolphins higherups solid him as “an indignant Black man” and fired him as a result of he refused to tank. A league investigation discovered that Ross was joking in regards to the tanking bounty however that he nonetheless tampered in different issues — attempting to lure famous person quarterback Tom Brady, who was beneath contract with the cross-state rival Tampa Bay Buccaneers on the time, and contacting the agent of then-New Orleans Saints head coach Sean Payton with comparable designs on poaching. Ross’ disregard for the foundations value the Dolphins a 2023 first-round draft choose and a third-round choose in 2024, and the proprietor himself was fined $1.5 million, suspended for the primary six video games of the present season, and barred from attending the league’s fall assembly. Undeterred, Ross pivoted to pissing off preservationists, spending $1 million in an unsuccessful effort to go Referendum 1, which might have allowed him to construct an eyesore of a resort and apartment on the positioning of the lately demolished Deauville Beach Resort in Miami Beach.
Robert Sabater
The cops concerned in a repugnant show on the Royal Palm Hotel on July 26, 2021, might go a good distance towards populating a Dirty Dozen all on their very own, however we restricted ourselves to only one. When a handful of Miami Beach’s most interesting caught up with Dalonta Crudup, who’d allegedly hit an officer together with his scooter and fled, they took turns pummeling him as he lay on the bottom. Two cops, Jose Perez and Kevin Perez (no relation), kicked Crudup within the head, in accordance with Miami-Dade prosecutors. Our boys in blue might’ve referred to as it an evening, however as a substitute, they set their sights on a bystander, Khalid Vaughn, who was quietly capturing the fiasco on his cellphone. Officer Robert Sabater was the primary to assault Vaughn, shoulder checking and repeatedly placing him, in accordance with an arrest affidavit, whereupon different officers rushed over and joined in. Sabater has pled not responsible to a misdemeanor battery cost and is scheduled for trial subsequent 12 months. (Three officers have had their costs upgraded to felonies.) To its credit score, town has suspended an ordinance that made it unlawful “to strategy or stay inside 20 ft of a regulation enforcement officer” with an “intent to straight or not directly harass” them. Critics of the measure warned it might embolden cops to do exactly what they did on the Royal Palm: violently detain a bystander for lawfully recording police.