I assume for those who have been sentenced to hang around with one NFL proprietor, Jim Irsay is likely to be atop the listing. He at the least has an identifiable love of music, which provides him one thing in widespread with most different folks. We do not know what most house owners do for enjoyable, apart from most likely making their gardeners struggle to the demise in entrance of their golf buddies for cash. Unless we’re speaking about Dan Snyder, whose concept of enjoyable, I can solely assume, is to plan a listing of enemies that’s nearly definitely 75 p.c made up of the women who rejected him in seventh grade. There’s at the least one thing you’ll be able to speak about within the firm of Irsay and never have him have a look at you such as you’re some form of subterranean creature. You would possibly have a look at him that means, however he’s most likely able to an precise dialog. Yes, he’s nearly definitely unhinged and disconnected from actuality like every other billionaire, and certain would punt your canine right into a river for an additional $20 similar to the remainder of them. There’s only one airplane to which you would possibly relate.
Or at the least, that’s what I believed earlier than I noticed Monday evening’s presser after he fired his coach (and it’s clear that he fired Frank Reich and never GM Chris Ballard). Now I’m undecided Irsay can have a dialog with anybody apart from the voices in his head and at nothing lower than full quantity. In case you’d like to observe the entire thing, however deliver a raincoat:
First off, it’s uncouth at greatest to name a presser throughout Monday Night Football, and offers the looks you is likely to be making an attempt to duck all the eye that you simply’ve earned coming your means. The nationwide eyes at the least are distracted. Speaking of appearances, Irsay appears to be like an increasing number of like a beer coaster the bartender forgot to clear away.
Irsay then spent the primary three minutes of the presser lauding Reich and his accomplishments, stating how profitable he’d been, after which took his first shot at… nicely, everybody, declaring that “it doesn’t matter what your opinion is” of Reich, which could lead one to marvel why the fuck he fired him within the first place.
Irsay then turned his consideration to Jeff Saturday, describing him as “fully experienced.” This might be information to quite a lot of ESPN personalities who would possibly now assume they’re in line for a head teaching job within the NFL. Does Saturday know their playbook on both aspect of the ball? Is he coming in along with his personal? These are usually not questions Irsay has thought-about, as a result of he’s simply feelin’ the groove, man. Hey, I bought applications outdoors the United Center for eight years, guess I’m able to personal the Bulls.
G/O Media might get a fee
Irsay then goes on to declare that Saturday could be a nice coach as a result of he blocked quite a lot of guys when he was taking part in, after which tells a few jokes that solely he will get that push him additional and additional into trying and sounding like Dr. Weird. Which solely received higher as he in contrast the state of affairs to Don Shula, after which claimed the sport hadn’t modified within the interim. He then claimed it’s a easy job, which should be why there’s like 4 guys who stay good at it for greater than a handful of seasons.
There was some phrase salad about integrity and the folks we’re, so now time for an Irsay sampler:
Some different nuggets:
“I’m not asking anyone to do anything I haven’t done.” Colts followers can look ahead to Coach Irsay someplace round Week 13, then.
“There will be an interview process after the season for a new permanent coach. This is for eight games, hopefully more.” Well, which is it?
“…(when he hired Tony Dungy) then we wanted a winning coach, a playoff winning coach.” Apparently now he simply desires a ingesting buddy. 2023 season ticket deposits are due any day now, I’m positive.
“I’m glad he doesn’t have any experience. They’re afraid. They go to analytics.” Ah, there it’s. This is rarely too far down the block for a codger, is it? This ignores that going by analytics, because it have been, stays the courageous selection given what number of outdated soccer males (kinda like Irsay!) scream and yell at any time when a coach does. If Saturday ever goes for it on fourth down earlier than the final two minutes, Irsay goes to shit out a rooster squeezed right into a Jim Beam bottle.
“We were glad he was available. And he has tons of experience.” He was a fucking TV analyst. Who was beating down his door? And you simply stated you have been glad he didn’t have any teaching expertise! This seems like some type of principle of the world being put forth within the car parking zone of a Dead present. Which it most likely was in some unspecified time in the future.
By the best way, all of this was within the first eight minutes.
With Al Davis not round anymore, and his child solely play-acting because the rogue proprietor, I assume Irsay feels it’s his time to shine. His newest audition makes him a shoo-in for the position.
Barnes stormin’
Anyway, right here’s Scottie Barnes making Nikola Vucevic and Alex Caruso seem like they have been surroundings in a 4th-grade play: