Woman Saw Messages in Partner’s All-Male Group Chat, Now Unsure What to Do

• Woman says she is “upset” and “unsure” after seeing messages from an all-guys’ group chat her accomplice is in.
• The girl, who detailed her story on a U.Okay.-based neighborhood website Mumsnet, says her accomplice used “some really inappropriate terms” when discussing a few of her buddies.
• Community members have been divided over how the lady ought to deal with the state of affairs.

A lady says she is “upset” and “unsure” after seeing messages from her accomplice’s all-male group chat, and she or he’s now questioning if she ought to confront him.

The girl detailed her story within the “Am I Being Unreasonable?” discussion board on the U.Okay.-based neighborhood website Mumsnet, the place girls can go to hunt recommendation from different girls. In her publish, the lady shared that she has a detailed buddy who’s at present going via a “rough time” together with her accomplice.

She says that her buddy “had recent suspicions” that her accomplice was being untrue, and so she ended up secretly studying via her boyfriend’s texts. The authentic poster (OP) says that whereas her buddy didn’t discover any proof of dishonest, she discovered some upsetting messages in an all-guys’ group chat — of which the OP’s accomplice is a member.

The OP says that her buddy took images of among the messages after which texted them to her, which is how she finally realized that her accomplice was “using some really inappropriate terms when discussing other women, including members of our wider friend group.” 

She says that in one of many messages, her accomplice wrote that he “wouldn’t trip her into battle” when speaking a few girl of their circle. In one other textual content, he wrote that one other girl they know “must be a s— shag because I’ve never known anyone with a body like that to be single for that long.”

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“Do I say anything?” the lady requested her fellow neighborhood members. She added: “It will possibly give away that my friend has been snooping on her partner and I don’t want to cause any issues for her. But at the same time, [I’m] really upset about how my [partner] described my two friends.”

Responses have been combined over whether or not or not the OP ought to confront her accomplice in regards to the non-public messages she noticed. 

“I have some Private chats with my Best Mates on WhatsApp […] that can be saucy. Maybe they go too far … but it’s all meaningless, just a bit of fun. [Your friend] snooping […] then dragging you into her marital woes, is much worse,” wrote one individual.

“Leave it,” mentioned another person. “Your friend was wrong to go snooping in that chat and she’s causing drama by telling you […]. Don’t police his actions with his mates. You’ll come across as controlling.”

Others, nonetheless, mentioned that they’d really feel compelled to say one thing — and that the texts may even be a deal breaker for them.

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“I would confront him. Some women wouldn’t care, but you obviously do. FWIW [for what it’s worth] that would give me the major ick that I’m not sure I’d be able to come back from,” mentioned one individual, including, “It’s grim.”

“It’s giving you some interesting insight into how your partner views women…it would definitely change how I saw my partner tbh,” added another person.

Another individual mentioned: “I’m really shocked by the people saying leave it – I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who talks about women in such a disgusting way.”